all i want is to feel warm

and have a big bed with lots of blankets.

and someone to wake up next to every morning.

and to have a reason to smile more.

oh, and a dog.

yeah, i want one of those.

a dog named zero or charlie.

hi, it's freezing today

i cannot wait to be in florida.

it's going to be low-mid 80's and sunny the whole time i'm there.

i'm sick of cold weather.

i need to move to california.

why do i do this?

today i decided to come home because i've been really not okay lately and i thought maybe coming home a day early would make me feel better.

here i am, lying in bed, trying to find episodes of sex and the city online wondering why i came home early.

i feel like every time i'm at school i just want the comforts of home.

however, every time i come home i'm happy for an hour and then i'm ready to book it back to the city.

i've realized the only time i like being home is when i'm home alone.

i love being home or running errands around franklin by myself, but once my family or other people are involved i get restless and agitated. 

i really just need to find someplace that's comfortable again.

i need to find someplace that felt like 53 Adams Street used to.

i want to move away.

these days like today

i want to live in a house with a porch.

i'd like to be sitting on the steps sipping iced coffee out of a mug.

i'd like to feel like the world is alright and i'd like to feel like i'm special to someone.

and i'd like to have a dog so i wouldn't be so sad all the time.

sometimes i wonder if i just up and left if things would feel alright.

but then again, running away has never solved anything for me.

i just need the ocean.

delicious

tylenol, iron pills and vitamin C capsules for breakfast.

my body is falling apart.

i love how i need so many supplements to keep my body from failing.

ughhhh....

good days

i woke up earlier than i wanted to and go no sleep last night as per usual.

kristine and i decided to walk down by the charles and we ended up walking all the way down to the charles/mgh stop on the red line.

then we went back to massart where the family was waiting since they came up to go on a tour of the school since jason is looking into going to school here.

it's so weird that he's 17 and looking at college.

we went to eat lunch at the mission, which was actually good.

but being in there made me feel really anxious because there was a guy in there that kept staring at me and making me feel super uncomfortable.

now i have a splitting headache and awful cramps, but i feel alright cause i spent the whole day outside.

florida on thursday.

beautiful weather is on it's way

so glad i'll start to feel warm again.

it's supposed to be 80 on saturday.

i'm going to attempt to get a tan, meaning i'll probably get sunburned.

went to grasshopper with molly last night.

it's good to have that one person in your life who you can talk about anything with and they'll never pass judgement.

i like being comfortable.

this looks cute

fuck rain

i'm hollow again.

i love kristine atiyeh for buying me this

i bet you wish you were the proud owner of a triceratops plate.

love it

Lindsay Lohan's eHarmony Profile from Lindsay Lohan

sunday fun day

it's sunday

i don't have school tomorrow

i like my outfit

i'm going to get coffee with deanna

i was dancing in front of my photobooth to lily allen

i'm stoked on life right now

comforts of home

kait put up a stripper pole in the center of her room.

she never ceases to amaze me.

i hung out with her, aj and the bunny last night for a couple hours.

it was good to see them.

they make me feel comfortable.

they're moving to florida in august.

i want to go with them.

amazing

i watched this tonight.

it was amazing but it made me cry a lot.

not one-tear-running-down-my-cheek cry, full on sobbing, makeup running everywhere cry.

now i feel and look like shit, but it was really good.

dorchester days

i watched the pokemon movie last night with molly and chris.
who knew the pokemon movie was fill of so many life lessons?

it's totally all about equality.

i'm always in a good mood after hanging out in dorchester.

i want it to be summer.

this looks adorable as well

another day at the office

it's gorgeous outside and i'm stuck in the business office in front of the computer.
at least it's pay day today.

yesterday kat and i went to the wake.
both of us don't do well in funeral homes but we managed to stay for half an hour.
it was nice to hang out with kat despite the circumstances.

andrew's home.
he showed up [without calling me] at my dorm yesterday after bill left.
it was kind of weird to see him, but it was nice to see him and realize i have absolutely no feelings towards him anymore.

this still makes me laugh for some reason

my brother is a comedic genius

good day

this morning was  rough.

getting out of bed was hard due to the fact that i didn't go to bed until 4:30.

but finally i managed to drag myself out of bed.

i ended up throwing on some clothes and headphones and going on a walk which eventually led me to starbucks for a caffeine boost.

then i went to blue shirt with bill for lunch.

afterwards we ended up going to hang out with JR and the cats.

Kat came home from work and we all hung out and i made cupcakes.

hangouts there are always fun and keep me smiling.

i needed a day like today and so did bill.

it was good to see him smile.

it kills me to see you like this

i don't know if i'm doing enough.

i just want to hug you and make it all better.

but no matter how many hugs i gave you last night i couldn't fix it.

"just be there" is what everyone tells me.

i don't know if it's enough for you.

but i'll be here.

i'll stay.

today was wonderful

i had lit class this morning but zoned out during the whole thing so it went by in no time.

it was gorgeous outside so bill picked me up and we walked around in the park for an hour.

it was so nice to be able to walk around outside in the sun and not be cold.

then he dropped me off at home and i took a nap.

and then i got to spend the rest of my night in a basement with deanna and the effort boys.

it was super nice out when the show got out so i walked home and got the last pizza off the upper crust dumpster.

i'm in such a good mood.

i need more days like today.

home tomorrow.

i cannot wait for this movie to come out

all i've listened to for the past 3 days

since when do i listen to danzig?

went to the blue shirt cafe with bill this afternoon.

i had a wrap with brown rice, tofu, carrots and peanut sauce.

it was more or less amazing.

then we walked around harvard square in the rain.

now here i am in my hallway because i still don't get internet in my room.

feeling tired and empty.

what else is new.

i need more leopard print in my wardrobe

om nom nom

making peanut butter cups and chocolate strawberry cupcakes.

then getting dressed up all cute.

a 6:30 i'm off to shoot kait's art show because her photographer cancelled.

making 30 bucks.

sounds like a solid thursday.

i need to start going to bed early

when i stay up late i get in my own head, and that is never good.

i question everything and it sucks.

nothing ever feels certain anymore.

all i want

is to lose 5 pounds before my cousins wedding and to wake up to someone.

i miss seeing hip bones.

i miss having a warm body next to me.