good morning acid wash jeans

looking straight 80's this morning.

greek plays test at 11:30

new media [gag me with a rusty knife] until 4:30

clean clean clean

cuddle fest 2k9 with my bear

i'm inspired

to make some solid art work right now.

it's so weird.

this is the first time i've actually wanted to make work since last year.

crazy

love her

rain rain go away

i feel like shit today.

i've been coughing up shit and it's making it hard to breath.

and i've got a sweet headache that doesn't want to go away.

ughhhhhh

i had to get up and go to cvs this get bc and it just made me feel worse.

now i'm sitting in the fucking hallway because massart fucking sucks and the internet doesn't work, even when i plug in my ethernet cord.

although i feel like absolute shit right now, yesterday was a good day.

stayed in bed until noon.

after i finally dragged myself out of the warmth and comfort of my bed, i ran some errands and made some peanut butter cups.

then i hung out with molly, jen, mikeallen, dylan and sam in dorchester for the evening.

molly and i sang along to lots of songs from high school in the kitchen and molly got herself drunk enough to rap along some biggie.

needless to say, a lot of laughs were had.

this made me laugh

wow, nice face erica

god hates me and you

i've got cramps & the beginnings of a cold.
awesome!

hung out with deanna yesterday after class.
we got coffee and bagels at espresso royale and then went to harvard square because it was actually nice out for once.
we got some iced strawberry green tea at tealuxe, walked around stores but didn't buy anything cause we're both broke and saw JR in hootenanny.
it was nice to have a leisurely thursday afternoon with good company.


"enrique fest" in lowell tonight with bill.
should be interesting at least.

just what i needed

this week had been such a good week so far. monday night was converge and ceremony which ruled. tuesday i changed my major to art ed, withdrew from photo, went to my morning class and then skipped my afternoon class so i could get my homework done. then i ended up going to molly's and hanging out with her, mike, sam and chris. it was really fun to hang out with them, especially since mike was drunk so he was telling stories in this hilarious voice.

yesterday i didn't have school because it was registration day. i got there super early with kristine and we ended up getting all the class we wanted. then i came back to my room and made about 70something oatmeal chocolate chip cookies for no reason. last night i went to roadrage/think again at the democracy center. the place was pretty cool and it was fun to hang out with everyone. i got to see lyd for like 5 seconds which was cool cause i haven't seen her in quite some time. afterwards bill, sean and i ended up going to kat and jr's and hanging out with their three crazy cats. it was nice to hang out with different people for a change and not feel awkward like i usually do.

seeing deanna today after class.

i feel good about things lately.

everything is looking up.

good things

this is how i feel right now...aka pretty fucking awesome

here is a list of why i feel fucking awesome:

1. i went to converge/ceremony last night with molly and it was absolutely amazing and totally worth waiting out in the cold for 45 minutes.

2. i got to hang out with molly which was rad cause i haven't seen her in awhile.

3. i bought a sweet ceremony hoodie that fits me perfectly.

4. i withdrew from my shitty color photo class and changed my major to just art education this morning so i never have to see the photo department ever again.

5. tomorrow is registration day so i don't have any classes.

6. bill and i are going to see roadrage tomorrow night.

7. i haven't felt totally shitty for a whole two days.

things are looking up again.

bruises

no my knees are not dirty...those are tons of little bruises all over my legs from the show on friday.

i look like i've been abused.

i've got one of my boob too.

hahaa

failure

i'm withdrawing from my photo class.

and dropping out of photo entirely and becoming a full time art ed major.

i'm meeting with maureen on tuesday to work out my schedule for next semester.

i sat in the library and did homework for the first time in a long while today.

my mom came in tonight and took me out to eat at grasshopper and then we went grocery shopping at trader joe's so now i have food to eat.

i have so much leftover lo-mein with vegi-beef in my fridge...om nom nom.

i think i just needed her to tell me my life doesn't suck as much as i think it does sometimes.

converge/ceremony tomorrow night with molly and hopefully sam!

nightmares

i had a nightmare about spiders that woke me up at 5 this morning.

it was one of those ones that feels so incredibly real that i thought i was actually feeling the spiders crawling on my arms.

i woke up sweating, panicky and breathing really heavy.

i've been awake since 10 and haven't left my bed yet except to go to the bathroom and to get my computer off my desk.

i have no motivation to do anything except lie here and listen to american nightmare.

i called my mom to see if she and my dad want to come into the city and get dinner tonight.

she didn't pick up.

andrew called me from portland last night.

i was a jerk to him on the phone because all i wanted to do was sit in my bed and eat oatmeal and watch the holiday on tv.

he texted me a couple times last night and i just didn't answer.

everytime i talk to andrew it just makes me want to hang out with bill...which then generally puts me in a bad mood because i'm not.

i'm such a jerk to people when i'm depressed.

blaah

i slept until 11:30 today and didn't actually get up until 1.

i couldn't fall asleep last night because my stomach was killing me and i was in a really depressed mood for absolutely no reason.

finally dragged myself out of bed this afternoon only to realize how incredibly sore and covered in bruises my body is from the show last night.

i have no motivation.

despite feeling shitty all the time lately and failing photo, i had a good day yesterday.

went shopping in harvard square with kristine after work.

bought two new v-necks at american apparel.

drove up to haverhill with jordan and tony.

saw bill and a bunch of kids i haven't seen in awhile.

saw polar bear club, which was great.

have heart is always fun to see too.

then bill drove me home even though he felt sick which was sweet of him.

fuck my life

my stomach is acting up again.

it's super bloated and hurts like hell, but i feel hungry?

i'm really not happy about this.

twitter

so i finally joined the rest of the world and made a twitter.

i don't know why but kristine and i decided to set up accounts today.

follow me!

www.twitter.com/ericathemighty

sleepy

went to see carol this morning.

it was good and i think i'm going back in a couple weeks.

i had coffee this morning and still feel like i'm asleep.

i have the worst dark circles under my eyes and my face looks all puffy.

maybe i'll take a shower.

home sweet home

home for the night.

it was wonderful to have a solid home cooked meal.

mama bute goes nuts and makes tons of good food when i come for the night.

i also had 3 birthday cards with checks inside of them waiting for me from various relatives.

i made $250 just for turning 20.

seeing carol in the morning [at 9:15, ughhh so early]

hopefully swinging by FHS and seeing caple and law dawg.

maybe stopping by the 729 to get coffee at the village and see if the shirt i ordered from another one of our stores during winter break finally came in.

then back to boston in the afternoon.

finally seeing WATCHMEN with bill tomorrow!

on a side note, i've been listening to this band from canada lately called eating glass and they rule.

check them out.

it's starting again

i'm feeling like i used to feel again.

i feel like a zombie all the time no matter how much sleep i get or caffeine i consume.

i'm feeling useless and hopeless for no reason.

i honestly have no reason to feel this way again.

things i my life are going really well.

i think i need to start seeing carol again.

but i really don't want to need help again.

it feels so good to be back in MA

i slept like shit last night but it was wonderful to sleep in my bed.

kristine gave me my birthday gift today.

she bought me this dress and a pair of acid wash jeans.

i went to a show at the dover brickhouse tonight with bill and sean.

it felt like the longest show ever but it was nice to hang out with them.

i really missed bill while i was gone.

i don't want to go to class tomorrow...but at least i don't have school tuesday.

Saturday, March 14

I’m on JetBlue flight number 922 back to Boston now and the pilot told us a few moments ago that we should land around 9:30, which is roughly an hour ahead of schedule. Flying at night when the sky is clear is the most amazing thing. I keep staring out my window because we just keep flying over cities and towns that just look like strands of Christmas lights strewn over a black sheet. It’s really wonderful. I hope when I fly down to the FLA for my cousins wedding I’ll get to fly at night.
The girls sitting in front of me on this flight are terribly obnoxious human beings and I cannot wait to not be sitting behind them anymore. They put their seats back so I basically have no room to move and the TV in the back of the seat that I was watching John & Kate Plus 8 on is now roughly 6 inches from my face, so I am now writing this and listening to Modest Mouse because my eyes were hurting from being that close to a screen. They are both overweight and came onto the flight with bags from McDonalds, the disgusting fucks. When we boarded, one of them put her bag in the overhead compartment and her shirt came up to reveal a horrific stomach that was, and I kid you not, hairy and looked like it had razor burn. I honestly gagged and I’m pretty sure she saw because she promptly pulled her shirt back down.
I cannot wait to sleep in my own bed in my own dorm room tonight. I also cannot wait to shower because Danielle’s bathroom was so gross I felt less clean after taking a shower there, and I left my razor at school so I haven’t shaved my legs in a week. No more floors to sleep on and grimy showers in dirty apartments with drugged up girls and 33-year-old men for me! I’ll probably miss running around Chicago with Heather in a week and wish I was back there, but hopefully this trip will make Heather and I hang out more often. It’s hard going from living with someone for a year and then never seeing them because they moved into an apartment far enough away that it’s a pain to go to when it’s cold in Boston.
I’m excited for it to be tomorrow so I can wake up to my dorm room that has Internet access and my view over lower income housing. Plus I’ll get to see both Kristine and Bill. Even though I’ve only been gone for a week I missed the two of them a whole lot. Bill and I are going to a show at the Dover Brickhouse tomorrow night, which is cool because I really like that place since it has a bar I can park my butt on during bands I don’t want to be up front for. Hopefully I’ll get to see Molly this week since I haven’t seen her in like 2 weeks. She’ll be on spring break so I’m assuming we’ll find time to hang out.

Friday, March 13

New favorite thing: German chocolate cake. Holy fuck whoever thought of putting coconut, walnuts, caramel and chocolate cake together is a genius. I got a piece at Veggie Bite this evening and it basically rocked my world just as hard as the piece I got from Chicago Diner. I also got an Oreo milkshake, which I inhaled in the time it took to venture from Veggie Bite back to Danielle’s, a distance that takes roughly 3 1/2 minutes to walk. Temptations brand vegan ice cream kicks the living shit out of every other brand of soy cream that has ever been made since it actually tastes like real ice cream. I’ve decided I’m going to find a way to get Temptations ice cream delivered to me and learn how to make vegan German chocolate cake so I can be obese and happy. Today Heather and I met up with Mackie and went to the Lincoln Park zoo. It was freezing fucking cold so half the animals were MIA, but we still got to see the ones that had indoor habitats. Then we went to this place called Sultan’s Market and ate the most amazing falafel sandwich I have ever encountered. It was huge and absolutely delicious and was only $4. I really need to find a good place to get falafel in Boston because it’s one of my favorite foods and I only get to eat it when my mom decides every once in a while to take the time to make some. It was good to get to see Mackie once more before we left since I probably won’t see him until this summer where I’ll probably run into him at a show or at Andrew/Deanna’s place if we ever end up in Boston at the same time. Then Heather and I went to go see the Sears Tower, and we saw it from the outside but then found out it costs 13 fucking dollars to take a god damn elevator to the top and decided it was not worth the money. I’m leaving Chicago tomorrow and I’m totally ready to be back in Boston. This place is really awesome but it’s fucking freezing, I miss my friends and roommates and I can barely last another night at Danielle’s sitting in the awkward silence and blue light of the television they leave on but never seem to use. I really never thought I’d be so excited to go sleep in my mildly uncomfortable bed in the dorm. I talked to my mom today and she told me that my dad said sometimes JetBlue will let you hop on an earlier flight if there are open seats for free. I’m hoping we can hop an afternoon flight so maybe I can try to make it to the Roadrage/the nasty show tomorrow night.
I cannot wait to be back in my dorm and have Internet access all the time. Staying in a house for a week that doesn’t have the Internet has made me realize how much I hate life without the Internet and how sadly addicted I am to being constantly connected to information and millions of people. I love myspace and facebook and can’t live without it and am not ashamed to admit it.
Peace out Chi-Town, it’s been real.

Thursday, March 12

Being in Chicago and having down time has really made me think about a lot of random things about my life. One thing that crossed my mind when we made a quick pit stop into Jewel [Shaw’s Chicago branch is called Jewel for some reason], was why do I not like getting flowers from guys? We walked past all the pretty bouquets of flowers right near the greeting card section and it made me stop and think for a moment. Why do I genuinely dislike getting flowers from a boy? Then it hit me, I’ve never been given flowers and had them have good connotations. Only two boys, other than my good old dad and grampy, have ever given me flowers and the circumstances were never all too great. The only time my ex from high school gave me flowers was after we had gotten in a fight over the phone so he showed up at Marshall’s with a bouquet in hand to say sorry for being a dickhead. Andrew on the other hand gave me flowers on multiple occassions from no reason, however they were always dumpstered bouquets. I mean, don’t get me wrong it’s sweet to get flowers but not when you know they were plucked out of a dumpster.
Who knows, maybe one of these days I’ll get flowers and won’t give a fake smile and a thank you while I’m cringing a little bit on the inside. But as for now, getting flowers from female friends or my parents are the only times I genuinely feel appreciated when handed flowers.

Wednesday, March 11

I’ve decided I officially hate my birthday. Every year during the horribly unpredictable but generally cold month of March it comes and goes and nothing really good happens except maybe I end up with some extra cash or some good presents. The whole day everyone wants to know what you want to do and constantly feels the need to make sure all the attention is on the person whose birthday it is. I loathe being the center of attention and deciding what a group of people should do so my birthday is by no means my favorite day of the year. I enjoy celebrating other people’s birthdays a whole lot more than my own because then it gives me an excuse to put all the attention on someone other than myself.
This year my birthday started off good with a trip to the Chicago Diner with Heather and Mackie. It was really good to see Mackie and to get to see him while stuff my face with delicious vegan nomage. After that the day slowly but surely went downhill. It started raining, and anyone who knows me well can tell you, I HATE THE RAIN. I’m pretty sure I was a cat in a past life. I hate getting my hair and clothes wet more than anything in the world because I’m an extremely tactile person and the feeling of wet clothes and hair on my skin makes me super uncomfortable. Heather and I then ventured into the rain to go to the planetarium [which sucked] and the Museum of Contemporary Art [which sucked equally as much]. Then we came back to Danielle’s [which sucked] and attempted to warm up after being completely soaked by some really cold rain. The only other good part of the day, other than getting to spend it with Heather of course, was getting to eat vegan German chocolate cake from the Chicago Diner while talking to my mom, dad, grandparents and Bill on the phone and avoid the intense awkwardness of hanging out with Danielle and her 33-year-old roommate Wes. Today was slightly better, but not particularly due to the fact that it was 20 degrees and super windy [go figure] the entire day. Heather and I went to the bank with Danielle and then parted ways and sat in a café that had wi-fi for an hour so we could spend time on the precious Internet. We mapped out our plans for the next few days and attempted to find places that sell temptations vegan ice cream because it is the most wonderful substance known to the dairy free part of the human race. On our way back to Danielle’s we decided to stop in at Veggie Bite for some cheese fries and milkshakes because that seemed like a pretty solid lunch choice, and let me tell you, it sure as hell was. Holy delicious! I pretty much died and went to heaven, not only because I was eating fries with fake cheese on them, but because they were some of the best french fries I have ever tasted. If you’re ever in Chicago, head over to a Veggie Bite and get an order of cheese fries and an Oreo milkshake. I swear you will not be disappointed.
Despite all the delicious vegan food I’m tasting and new things I’m seeing, I’m pretty ready to be back home. Don’t get me wrong, Chicago is absolutely amazing and I know I will definitely come back here sometime in the future, just not to this place that I’m currently staying at. Sleeping on the floor of a grimy apartment with a drugged up girl and 33-year-old dude is not my thing. I’m ready to be back in my own bed.

Monday, March 9

Well it’s officially my birthday back in Massachusetts, but we’re I am I’ve still got 48 more minutes as a teenager. I’m spending them in Danielle’s living room reading veg news while Heather is embroidering and Danielle makes lentil soup. Tomorrow Heather and I are getting up earlier than we have been and going to meet Mackie at the Chicago Diner at noon for some birthday lunch. Then we’re heading to the Museum of Contemporary Art and the Planetarium because both are free tomorrow.
I actually don’t feel as shitty about turning 20 as I did earlier today and this week. I guess it’s time to be considered a real adult and not a teenager anymore, but of course never really act like a grown up. Becoming more mature and responsible is a good thing, but losing a sense of fun in an attempt to grow up is not.
Today Heather and I started our day with a little bit of shopping, route planning and coffee drinking and then went to the Field Museum, which is the natural history museum. It was a lot of fun and we took tons of pictures of dinosaur skeletons and stuffed animals. After we had our fill we walked by the water and went to Millennium Park and took tons of pictures in front of The Bean. We figured it was the correct thing to do since we were being touristy today. Then we somehow managed to find our way to a Trader Joe’s to pick up groceries for the week, went to the wrong way on the train home so it took us an hour and a half to get back to Danielle’s and had surprisingly good frozen burritos for dinner.
Now it’s time to watch spirited away, eat lentil soup and slowly get more sleepy and pass the fuck out.

Sunday 3-8

It’s 1:58pm here in Chicago and I woke up roughly an hour ago. I’ve slept so much since I’ve been here. I took a 4-hour nap yesterday afternoon and then slept for a solid 10 hours last night, but somehow I still feel and look super tired. Right now I’m sitting in Danielle’s living room waiting for the rain to stop so Heather and I can go out. We’re planning on being girly and going shopping today if the thunder and rain will let up. Tonight we’re going to this art show that Danielle and some of her friends have pieces in, hopefully it’ll be cool.
Danielle’s really nice, but she reminds me too much of Lindsay Leblanc and it really weirds me out. The house we’re staying at is cute, but not super clean and the roof leaks when it rains. But I guess I shouldn’t complain since she is letting us crash here for a whole week, which is super nice of her. One of her roommates has a cat that looks exactly like Garfield…it’s HUGE and orange. I got to talk to Bill when I rolled out of bed this afternoon. I feel like it’s mildly retarded that I miss him even though I got to see him on Thursday night.
Since I’ve been here I’ve been thinking a lot about my new concentration for Portfolio, which is “What is home? Will any place ever really feel like home?”. I guess being in a new place is helping me think about where my home really is since I’ve completely lost a sense of where I belong. I used to feel totally at home when I basically lived in Byfield/Newburyport this summer since I spent more time there than I did in Franklin. But now that things are different I guess I’ve been coming to find out that for me home is not necessarily a place, it’s more the people that I feel the most comfortable with. My family, Molly, Tricia and Kristine are home for me. When I’m with them I’m at my most comfortable and can totally be who I am and do whatever I want. I just hope one day I can find a place where I feel just as comfortable.

Heather and I being sad that we were stuck in an airport and only slept for 3 hours the night before.

Flight to Chi-town, 3-7

I’ve been flying for roughly 17 minutes and I’m already mildly bored. I figured I might as well write some long and potentially [but probably not] well thought out entry in Word to post on this blog whenever I find internet access. I guess Danielle [the girl we’re staying with] has work until 5 tonight so we’ll be stuck in the airport or wandering around an unfamiliar city for roughly 8 hours. I’ll probably end up calling Mackie to see if he wants to come hang out with us/show us around. Maybe we’ll buy a map of the city and try to figure out were there’s something fun to do. I guess Danielle lives down the street from this restaurant called VeggieBite, which is a vegan FAST FOOD RESTAURANT. I looked at their menu and they have cheese fries…I think I may be in love already.
So here I am at 7:47am in row 9A, seated behind Heather, listening to City & Colour. I got about 3 hours of sleep last night since we decided to get to the airport at 5am just in case we had issues. 3 hours of sleep is not doing me too well, I’ve got a headache and my eyes hurt. We ended up checking our bags and making it through security in about 20 minutes…so we had to wait for over an hour before we boarded. Surprisingly Heather and I didn’t fuck anything up at the airport, which is amazing seeing as neither of us have flown much at all, let alone without a parent holding our hand. The guy next to me is drinking coffee and it smells really wonderful, but I had a soy mocha at the airport and I think putting more caffeine in my body is a poor life choice. Although, I did read an article on yahoo about how caffeine can prevent you from getting skin cancer? Looks like drinking a lot of coffee will have some benefit for me in the long run.
It’s Bill’s 24th birthday today. I almost wish we had decided to fly out tomorrow so I could hang out with him, but oh well. We were supposed to hang out last night but my poor bear got really sick…which hopefully I won’t catch from him. Sharing germs is mad lame, My birthday is in 3 days…20 sounds so old, but at the same time who knows, it might be kind of fun. I’m not going to be a teenager anymore, but at least I’ll get to spend my birthday in a new city with one of my best friends. On Tuesday we’re going to go to the Chicago Diner for some delicious vegan noms and then to the planetarium because they’re having a free admission day. Apparently if you bring in your ID to the Chicago Diner on your birthday they give you a free shake…SCORE!
I really love flying, especially the take off. Speeding down a runway and then suddenly jumping into the sky, not totally sure if you’re actually going to make it or not is such an amazing feeling. I’m sure the guy next to me thinks I’m out of my mind because the whole time we were getting ready for take off and actually in the process of doing so I had the goofiest grin on my face. It just makes me so happy to run away on a plane. I’m excited that I get to fly again in May when I have to go to Florida for Elise and Alex’s wedding.
Well now I’m going to attempt to get some sleep now since I’ve barely gotten any in the past few days. Hopefully this week I’ll be able to sleep in a whole bunch. I feel like all I do nowadays is go to class, do massive amounts of C-printing and complain about how tired and shitty I feel all the time. Note to self: remember to take your iron pills.

peace out b-town

see you in a week!

please no

i woke up with a stomach ache this morning.

but i ate some oatmeal anyways thinking maybe i'm just hungry.

and now i feel even worse.

my stomach hasn't acted up in a month.

i was getting used to not being sick.

hopefully it's just stress and not anything coming back.

i don't want to be sick again.

i can't deal with that again.

pizzzzzza

i have been craving pizza for a week now.

i haven't eaten pizza since january when i went dumpstering at upper crust and ate pizza for 3 days straight.

maybe i'll get pizza after work on friday.

and then just feel really sick for the rest of the night.

or maybe i'll convince heather to go dumpster upper crust with me on friday night when i stay over her place.

chicago in 3 days.

GAH I'M SO EXCITED!!!!!!

however, not excited to have to be at the airport at 5am : (

it's days like today

where i wonder why i even got out of bed this morning.

i'm doing horrible at school right now.

i fucking hate this city more and more every day.

i look like i'm sick and feel like a zombie.

i haven't felt this bad about myself in a long time.

then i realize how lucky i am to have good friends like molly and kristine to hang out with who make me feel slightly more alive.

i watched the brave little toaster today.

that movie is so weird.

things i need in my life

1. a fisheye lens for my d80

2. a fennec fox                                                               

 

3. black jeans from delias

4. mustard yellow vans

5. zebra striped metallic booty shorts

so here i am

11:30 on a monday night.

sitting on my bed.

eating broccoli.

watching sex and the city.

why?

couldn't tell you.

i've lost all motivation to do anything productive.

snow day

so i got the snow day i was asking for.

and then realized i left all my makeup at home so i have to go out in the snow to sephora and buy more makeup since i probably can't get my makeup before i go to chicago.

awesome, wish i was hot enough to go through life without any makeup on.

love life.

i'm so tired all the time.

i slept until 11 and still feel dead.

all i want right now is to nap and snuggle with the boy.

fuck you mother nature

this is how i feel about the snow.

i can't believe it's snowing and it's supposed to snow tomorrow.

i better get a snow day out of this shit.

my hands look huge.

i feel like a zombie lately, i'm always so tired.

but on a good note, i leave for chicago on saturday.

meaning i don't have to see this god damn city for a whole week.

and i got a free veggie burger at b.good this afternoon because i signed up for their e-mail list and they were having some event.

and my brother gave me $20 for my birthday.

and i shot 2 rolls of film this weekend.