it's a bikini kill kind of day

i got stared at like i was a hunk of steak by the half a dozen workmen in my yard when i came back from getting coffee with tricia.

back in franklin

the family + lindsay made our way to long island yesterday for my uncle's 50th surprise birthday party.

the party was actually a lot of fun.

it was at this fancy shmancy country club so it was fun to get dressed up and for the first time since i've been a vegetarian there was tons of food i could eat at a family function.

my family is a bunch of carnivores which generally results in me going hungry.

i just attempted to watch twilight.

i didn't even finish it because i was so disappointed.

i need to go out and buy eclipse tomorrow.

i'm so hooked on the books, but the movie was just so horrendous.

i have to work monday-thursday this week.

i hope i can make it to somerville sometime this week.

i want cuddle sessions with bill and movie parties with ashley and christine.

rough night

last night i read a zine that andrew gave me and it totally fucked me up.

i couldn't stop crying after i read it.

it brought back some really awful and uncomfortable memories.

i couldn't sleep afterwards and when i finally managed to pass out i kept having weird dreams and waking up.

i maybe pulled off 4 hours of sleep last night.

tricia texted me when i woke up saying one of her cats got sick and they didn't have the money to help him so they have to put him down.

i feel awful this morning.

it feels like there's a whole in my stomach.

however, i started working out again and i lost a pound in the past 2 days.

i want to lose 10 by the time i go back to school.

new alice in wonderland looks amazing

it's kristine's birthday today

i'm feeling so empty right now.

this weather really isn't helping either.

forever bummed

i'm going to see carol tomorrow.

i'm kind of nervous, mainly because i know i'll probably end up crying.

you think i'd be comfortable crying in front of her by now.

i need to get laid...like really badly.

i haven't had sex in almost a month and i don't know why.

it's really making me feel like shit, but i don't know how to bring it up.

tomorrow i've got coffee dates with saran & angie.

at least that will brighten up my day.

i hate the fact that every time someone asks me "how was the end of your school year?" or "are you glad to be home?" i have to lie.

i must be getting really good at this pretending game.

i doubt saying "the end of my year was horrible and i contemplated finding something very high to jump off of onto concrete" or "every morning when i wake up i wish i could go back to sleep until september" is the best thing response.

i am head over heels in love with this man

Chris Mansfield from The Song Show on Vimeo.

i bought new shoes today

note to self:

do not stay up past 1am.

staying up late causes you to think too much.

thus going to bed feeling insecure and uncomfortable about most aspects of your life which then makes you feel like shit in the morning.

i just ordered this dress

i hope it fits as well as i think it will.

it looks like it'll work well with my body type.

aka gigantic shoulders and hips.

i've been feeling a little more settled lately.

i think it's because i haven't been spending as much free time at home.

home always makes me feel uncomfortable.

i just need to keep myself as  busy as possible.

i need to see friends constantly and go to as many shows as possible.

ceremony & paint it black on sunday.

i miss kristine.

i don't like summer anymore.

hollow

everytime i go to leave the city i start freaking out.

i don't know why and it really needs to stop.

i was standing around in south station for 40 minutes and 10 minutes before my train showed up i had to go in the bathroom because i started crying.

for absolutely no reason.

i just felt really empty.

it's so odd, i had such a good night/day but once i go to leave it feels like no amount of previous happiness can help.

double dates to market basket are the best.

hogan and peterson are so fun to hang out with.

i need more black and white in my wardrobe.

i feel really hot when i wear all black or black jeans with a white t-shirt.

i have no idea why, but i love black.

31 oxford for the evening.

happy.

i got you babe

went to the mall with molly for about 20 minutes this evening.

got a new pair of black jeans for $14.99 at pac sun.

i just need to take the leg in a little and they'll be perfect.

they make my ass look adorable.

then molly got taco bell and i got BK.

i love BK french fries and diet coke.

best/most unhealthy combination ever <3

work tomorrow with nigel and linzi.

i love working with the two of them.

the whole time nige talks in accents and imitates the customers.

ughhh

moving back to franklin was the biggest mistake i could've made.

i am so unhappy here.

watched this movie last night with tricia and molly.

it made me think a whole lot, which is weird for a romantic comedy/chick-flick/whatever.

why do people get married?

honestly, i don't understand why people get married anymore.

couples who got married 29 years ago like my parents i understand, but people nowadays just should not get married.

everyone ends up unhappy or getting divorced anyways.

why don't people just stay in long term, committed relationships?

then there's always that out if you become unhappy.

when you're married there's really no out unless you want a lawyer involved and your bank account drained.

i love how i'm writing this as my brother is leaving for a wedding after we just talked about "when lindsay and i get married".

hahahaa

"(585): Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick"-textsfromlastnight.com

next summer i think i might apply to be a summer RA.

i'd get to live in the city for free and get paid $1200 to do it.

plus you're allowed to have another job as long as you don't work too many hours per week.

i think i'd be a sweet RA.

plus i can pull the edge card which totally makes me look responsible.

haha

i cannot live in franklin next summer.

this seems like a pretty solid alternative.

someone i can talk to, someone i don't have to talk to

sometimes i feel like i'm in she's all that.

you're freddy prinze jr and i'm rachael leigh cook.

i'm the art nerd who bagged the cool kid because they find out how wonderful they are.

it's so weird, but so awesome.

home again

back in franklin after running away for the evening.

went to terminator in woburn last night with bill, eddie, tay, kat, jr, peterson, hogan, christine, briggs and rad al.

it was really nice to go out in a big group and see everyone.

my dad is packing up a bag, which means he's going on a business trip.

it bums me out whenever he has to go off on business.

it makes being home a little easier when he's here.

i miss kristine.

day off tomorrow.

money in my bank account.

life is looking a little better lately.

dammit all, i am just sad

polar bear club, it's nights like these that you know just how i feel.

i just want to breathe in the pacific air

experience seattle rain without an umbrella

see rebecca's house in alaska

stay in the beach house in oregon

see why vegans love portland so much

go to the chicago zoo when it isn't too cold for animals

actually go to south of the border and see how scuzzy it is

lie on the ogunquit beach for hours until i sunburn

get lost in a country where i don't speak the language

and never come home again.

OVERALLS!

kait and aj aren't moving to florida!

i'm so glad i'm not losing them.