contemplating life

so i'm sitting in coffee sensations in medway attempting to write this case study for art and human development and it's not going so well because my ADD is kicking in hardcore.

i've been downloading black flag and bad brains albums instead.

my internet is down at home...lame.

i've been talking to kristine today and i think the only way i'm going to really be able to do this is if i force myself to get out there and meet some new guys.

force myself to give someone my number.

force myself to flirt with someone.

force myself to go out on a date.

somewhat force myself to have sex with someone...but my raging hormones and pent up sexual tension will probably take care of that.

i'm not ready to be in a relationship nor do i want to be because andrew's got a strong hold on my heart still and i don't think it's going to change.

and what's the point [if it comes along] of starting a relationship if you know you won't let yourself fall in love with someone?