i haven't updated this in a long while.

i've become a tumblr whore.

i found this painting online today and i really like it for some reason.

it's by a painter named egon schiele.

junior year

it feels so awesome to be back at school.

i just wish it would be wednesday already so classes would start.

i prefer having the stress of classwork to sitting around with nothing to do.

i actually want to have homework to do.

canvas shoes were only $12 at urban!

super stoked on getting cheap new shoes.

i really need to get rid of a lot of my shoes because they're all falling apart.

i move back to school on saturday.

i've got so much packing to do and so much going on tomorrow!

gahhhhh

i wish i could feel really sure of things sometimes.

but i'm always so uncertain.

i always feel like i'm on the edge.

i started using tumblr

www.ericalynn.tumblr.com

i now have a facebook, myspace, twitter, blogger and tumblr.

i hate my life.

i spent so much money on my face today

i ended up going to the natick collection with tricia and katie today.

we went to sephora to go visit angie.

i picked up mascara and bare minerals new matte foundation.

then we somehow ended up in lush which was a bad idea.

the girls in the store were super nice and talked us into buying things.

i bought this toner.

it makes my face feel so nice.

the girl behind the counter gave me cleanser samples too which ruled.

oh ghost mice

oh lover, oh lover, why won't you save me?

why can't you be everything?

oh me, oh me, why won't you be happy?

oh me, oh me, oh me.

i eat weird

i just had a bowl of broccoli and vegan meatballs covered in ketchup.

i'm disgusting and i don't care.

my hair is getting long.

i have a real ponytail now.

i miss kristine and justin.

i miss wandering around the city at night.

all i listen to lately is folk/folk punk.

it's the only stuff that makes me feel like smiling.

up the folk punx.

this weekend was wonderful.

cage was friday, the gaslight anthem was saturday and ajj & laura stevenson was on sunday.

i always feel good when i get to see shows that aren't hardcore shows.

i'm getting sick of the same old thing.

it's nice to take a break.

hanging out with molly, chris and sam was nice too.

i like seeing different people.

falafel

eating falafel makes me long for chicago.

i wish i was up the punx and spontaneous.

i would totally go train hopping and just show up at mackie's sometime soon.

laura stevenson and the cans makes me happy.

stagnant

numb.

i lost 7 pounds

in the past 2 and a half weeks.

and i stopped working out 3 weeks ago.

ummm?

body how did you do that?

oh milo ventimiglia

the things i would do to you....

nothing is sexier than a buddy holly looking man in a tight white shirt working on a sewing machine.

well your band rules

"Aaron Bedard, 40, of 1247 Broadway, July 10, 8:27 p.m., charged with assault and battery."

but i hope you choke on a dick.

i want to cut my hair short again.

i miss having nothing on top of my head.

you're the only reason i haven't chopped it all off.

it's really dumb, but i'm terrified you won't find me attractive if i do.

i hate how i think sometimes.

thank you post secret

mow

i want a kitten.

i wish i got to see bill more often.

it bums me out that our work schedules conflict so much.

i want to snuggle.

i get to see kristine on thursday!

i've got tan lines and freckles

oh summer you make me so happy.

anywhere but here

came back from maine this evening.

i've got a bad sunburn and my stomach feels horrible.

i got some vegan rice milk chocolate.

it's really delicious.

i want a kitten.

i really want to be anywhere but franklin right now.

i really need to run away again.

wonderful weekend

i had a really good weekend.

friday and saturday i was in the city and spent all my time with bill, kat, jr, ashley and peterson.

they all put me in such a good mood.

i really like having girl hangouts with kat and ashley.

we all piled up on bill's bed and watched rambo and his epic tv and discussed how adorable sylvester stallone was circa rambo 1 and 2.

we all went to the fireworks on saturday which was really fun.

i've never been to the ones in the city before.

on sunday i went up to vt with maintain for a fest they played.

it was gorgeous up there but the ride there and back blew.

we basically all just hung out in the sun and walked around outside instead of watching bands because it was so beautiful up there.

on the way home we had to play games to keep sean awake so he wouldn't crash and kill us all.

yesterday consisted of train rides homes, packing and deep conversations with molly.

lately i feel like the only intelligent conversations i have are with her.

i'm going to read 2001 a space odyssey once i finish reading twilight.

i want to learn.

going to maine until saturday.

peace!

mug mug

i don't need no booze or drugs
i just chug-a-lug-o my coffee mug

it's a bikini kill kind of day

i got stared at like i was a hunk of steak by the half a dozen workmen in my yard when i came back from getting coffee with tricia.

back in franklin

the family + lindsay made our way to long island yesterday for my uncle's 50th surprise birthday party.

the party was actually a lot of fun.

it was at this fancy shmancy country club so it was fun to get dressed up and for the first time since i've been a vegetarian there was tons of food i could eat at a family function.

my family is a bunch of carnivores which generally results in me going hungry.

i just attempted to watch twilight.

i didn't even finish it because i was so disappointed.

i need to go out and buy eclipse tomorrow.

i'm so hooked on the books, but the movie was just so horrendous.

i have to work monday-thursday this week.

i hope i can make it to somerville sometime this week.

i want cuddle sessions with bill and movie parties with ashley and christine.

rough night

last night i read a zine that andrew gave me and it totally fucked me up.

i couldn't stop crying after i read it.

it brought back some really awful and uncomfortable memories.

i couldn't sleep afterwards and when i finally managed to pass out i kept having weird dreams and waking up.

i maybe pulled off 4 hours of sleep last night.

tricia texted me when i woke up saying one of her cats got sick and they didn't have the money to help him so they have to put him down.

i feel awful this morning.

it feels like there's a whole in my stomach.

however, i started working out again and i lost a pound in the past 2 days.

i want to lose 10 by the time i go back to school.

new alice in wonderland looks amazing

it's kristine's birthday today

i'm feeling so empty right now.

this weather really isn't helping either.

forever bummed

i'm going to see carol tomorrow.

i'm kind of nervous, mainly because i know i'll probably end up crying.

you think i'd be comfortable crying in front of her by now.

i need to get laid...like really badly.

i haven't had sex in almost a month and i don't know why.

it's really making me feel like shit, but i don't know how to bring it up.

tomorrow i've got coffee dates with saran & angie.

at least that will brighten up my day.

i hate the fact that every time someone asks me "how was the end of your school year?" or "are you glad to be home?" i have to lie.

i must be getting really good at this pretending game.

i doubt saying "the end of my year was horrible and i contemplated finding something very high to jump off of onto concrete" or "every morning when i wake up i wish i could go back to sleep until september" is the best thing response.

i am head over heels in love with this man

Chris Mansfield from The Song Show on Vimeo.

i bought new shoes today

note to self:

do not stay up past 1am.

staying up late causes you to think too much.

thus going to bed feeling insecure and uncomfortable about most aspects of your life which then makes you feel like shit in the morning.

i just ordered this dress

i hope it fits as well as i think it will.

it looks like it'll work well with my body type.

aka gigantic shoulders and hips.

i've been feeling a little more settled lately.

i think it's because i haven't been spending as much free time at home.

home always makes me feel uncomfortable.

i just need to keep myself as  busy as possible.

i need to see friends constantly and go to as many shows as possible.

ceremony & paint it black on sunday.

i miss kristine.

i don't like summer anymore.

hollow

everytime i go to leave the city i start freaking out.

i don't know why and it really needs to stop.

i was standing around in south station for 40 minutes and 10 minutes before my train showed up i had to go in the bathroom because i started crying.

for absolutely no reason.

i just felt really empty.

it's so odd, i had such a good night/day but once i go to leave it feels like no amount of previous happiness can help.

double dates to market basket are the best.

hogan and peterson are so fun to hang out with.

i need more black and white in my wardrobe.

i feel really hot when i wear all black or black jeans with a white t-shirt.

i have no idea why, but i love black.

31 oxford for the evening.

happy.

i got you babe

went to the mall with molly for about 20 minutes this evening.

got a new pair of black jeans for $14.99 at pac sun.

i just need to take the leg in a little and they'll be perfect.

they make my ass look adorable.

then molly got taco bell and i got BK.

i love BK french fries and diet coke.

best/most unhealthy combination ever <3

work tomorrow with nigel and linzi.

i love working with the two of them.

the whole time nige talks in accents and imitates the customers.

ughhh

moving back to franklin was the biggest mistake i could've made.

i am so unhappy here.

watched this movie last night with tricia and molly.

it made me think a whole lot, which is weird for a romantic comedy/chick-flick/whatever.

why do people get married?

honestly, i don't understand why people get married anymore.

couples who got married 29 years ago like my parents i understand, but people nowadays just should not get married.

everyone ends up unhappy or getting divorced anyways.

why don't people just stay in long term, committed relationships?

then there's always that out if you become unhappy.

when you're married there's really no out unless you want a lawyer involved and your bank account drained.

i love how i'm writing this as my brother is leaving for a wedding after we just talked about "when lindsay and i get married".

hahahaa

"(585): Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick"-textsfromlastnight.com

next summer i think i might apply to be a summer RA.

i'd get to live in the city for free and get paid $1200 to do it.

plus you're allowed to have another job as long as you don't work too many hours per week.

i think i'd be a sweet RA.

plus i can pull the edge card which totally makes me look responsible.

haha

i cannot live in franklin next summer.

this seems like a pretty solid alternative.

someone i can talk to, someone i don't have to talk to

sometimes i feel like i'm in she's all that.

you're freddy prinze jr and i'm rachael leigh cook.

i'm the art nerd who bagged the cool kid because they find out how wonderful they are.

it's so weird, but so awesome.

home again

back in franklin after running away for the evening.

went to terminator in woburn last night with bill, eddie, tay, kat, jr, peterson, hogan, christine, briggs and rad al.

it was really nice to go out in a big group and see everyone.

my dad is packing up a bag, which means he's going on a business trip.

it bums me out whenever he has to go off on business.

it makes being home a little easier when he's here.

i miss kristine.

day off tomorrow.

money in my bank account.

life is looking a little better lately.

dammit all, i am just sad

polar bear club, it's nights like these that you know just how i feel.

i just want to breathe in the pacific air

experience seattle rain without an umbrella

see rebecca's house in alaska

stay in the beach house in oregon

see why vegans love portland so much

go to the chicago zoo when it isn't too cold for animals

actually go to south of the border and see how scuzzy it is

lie on the ogunquit beach for hours until i sunburn

get lost in a country where i don't speak the language

and never come home again.

OVERALLS!

kait and aj aren't moving to florida!

i'm so glad i'm not losing them.

i feel like a zombie.

no matter how much sleep i get or coffee i drink i'm always tired.

i could barely function at work today i was so tired.

it's 8:15 and i'm honestly ready to go to bed.

mind you, i woke up at noon.

i should probably see a doctor.

maybe i should make an appointment for that physical i should've had 3 months ago.

or appointments with the other 3 doctors i need to see this summer.

huge crush

i have such a monster crush on matt & kim.

they're adorable and write the cutest music ever.

and look! they play with guns!

i have $7.88 to my name

i more or less am a failure at life right now.

i better get my last check from massart tomorow.

or the next day.

sometimes i feel more at home on the commuter rail than i do at 600 Rear Huntington Ave or 401 Coronation Drive.

whenever i'm on the commuter rail i just feel okay.

comfortable, relaxed.

lately i really feel at home anywhere that isn't what i should consider my home.

just anywhere other than where i live.

i really wish i was in chicago.

textsfromlastnight.com: "(847): i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago"

went to somerville last night.

it was nice to get to just hang out in bed, watch tv and cuddle with my boy.

we got blue shirt for lunch today.

my stomach was so happy.

lovelovelove

dear brian fallon, love me please

going to somerville for the night tomorrow.
it'll be so nice to be out of franklin for the night, even though it's supposed to be cold and rainy all day wednesday and thursday.

i need to not eat ever again.

i'm getting fat again.

this does not make me happy.

i think i just need to eat less, drink more coffee and have more sex.

or i could always exercise.....but that sucks.

i wish i was in somerville tonight.

kat and jr had a cookout, which would've been really fun.

but i had kait's grad party.

at least i got to see kait and molly.

july 31

cage is playing at harper's ferry.

i need to go.

who's coming with me!?

dayum baby!

since when is milo ventimiglia an allston hipster?

this man has gotten wayyy more attractive since gilmore girls ended.

i feel really unsettled and on edge.

angie's coming over this afternoon to bake with me.

it'll be good to see her.

she's one of the few people i can be totally honest with and i know is always there when i need her.

going to stoneham for the carrier/bonus army/maintain show tonight.

hopefully it'll be good.

hopefully there will be people there.

today was not a good day

i should've gotten anxiety meds when carol wanted to put me on them.

i'm not doing okay.

i don't know how long i can keep up this front.

star trek ruled

and chris pine is amazing.

he makes a great captain kirk.

plus he was in smokin' aces.

what an amazing human being.

moving out, moving on

peace out 210A.

i cannot believe how much shit i have accumulated over the school year.

i'm really hoping all my crap and my bike somehow manage to fit into the van.

i'm sure it will, but it's going to take some creative packing.

i hate moving in/moving out.

i also hate the fact that i don't get to see kristine and justin every day.

at least i'm moving back in with kristine next year.

and justin will be up the street, but it won't be the same.

however, i'm glad that our bathroom/ shower next year is handicap accessible so it is absolutely gigantic in comparison to our current bathroom.

i can finally have sex in my shower.

there must be a god.

if there is, i'm definitely going to hell.

i love cage

good afternoon

 best shirt ever.

i think i'm going to cut all my hair off again.

i got hit on a lot more when i had short hair, so i take it i was more attractive when i was practically bald.

anyone else think it's a good idea?

i'm feeling so hollow.

i want to go home.

the past few days have been pretty good.
wednesday i finished classes and spent the night with molly.
we hung out in the dot for a little while with chris and sam.
got pantry pizza wraps which were delicious as always.
then we dumpstered tons of pizza in harvard square.
afterwards i went home and baked cookies until 3:30 because i'm crazy.

yesterday i woke up super early and baked cupcakes.
chocolate with oreo frosting and strawberry chocolate chip with chocolate frosting [om nom nom]
then tony, jordan, andrew, ryan, justin and i headed up to james' house in the giant red van after driving around somerville for much too long due to bad directions.
we spent the afternoon at james' and then went to anchors up.
the show was really fun and it was good to see the boys before they run off for the summer.
then bill drove justin and i back home and ended up staying over.

it's so nice to wake up to him.

for some reason on days when i feel lonely

all i want is to go back to this.

my nail polish is chipping

i wish manicures would last forever.

i go home for the summer next week.

i want to be at home really badly, but at the same time i really don't want to leave boston.

i'm just afraid to be home again.

i know after a week of being home i'll want to leave.

i want to be back in chicago.

i want cheese fries from veggie bite.

i just want to be in an unfamiliar place and not be scared.

i move home next week

things i want/need to do this summer:

1. buy more jeans

2. take in my denim jacket that's been sitting in my closet for years

3. learn to do something new

4. hang out with jason and alexander as much as possible

5. convince my parents to buy a puppy

6. open a savings account and get a credit card

7. save money for plane tickets so i can run away

8. donate or alter old clothes so they'll get some use

9. go to the beach as much as possible

10. join the gym again

11. be social 

thanks daddy

friends fest part 2

yesterday was a good day.
i had class until 1.
made oatmeal chocolates chip cookies and cookies n creme and chocolate strawberry cupcakes.
packed them all up and bill and i went to anchors up.
got to hang out with deanna who i haven't seen in weeks.
met rory's girlfriend who was super nice.
talks about electrocution with JR and kev.
finally met james from battle who is one of bill's best friends.
got invited to kat and jr's wedding, which is going to be super rad.

good bands.
good friends.
lots of smiles.

today will consist of leaving work early because "i have too much work to do", getting my nails done with molly and hang outs in dorchester.

waking up next to you

is really nice, despite the fact that we have to wake up so early.

it's comforting to not wake up alone.

i have so much stuff to do this week and i feel like i don't have enough time to do it in.

1.  get my portfolio pieces almost completed by monday.

2. write about 8 papers for marxist because i didn't do any work this semester.

3. bang out a paper on anthony and cleopatra for tomorrow, which i haven't read.

4. bake a ton of noms for the show tomorrow night.

5. get my mom a gift for mother's day.

6. finish my gender roles site for new media by tuesday

no matter how many times i watch this

i still think it's amazing

gossip girl <33333

ouch

my body hurts so bad.

especially my knees.

i think my right one is swollen.

damn you 4 hours of physical activity.

so good, but so bad the next morning.

all i want is to feel warm

and have a big bed with lots of blankets.

and someone to wake up next to every morning.

and to have a reason to smile more.

oh, and a dog.

yeah, i want one of those.

a dog named zero or charlie.

hi, it's freezing today

i cannot wait to be in florida.

it's going to be low-mid 80's and sunny the whole time i'm there.

i'm sick of cold weather.

i need to move to california.

why do i do this?

today i decided to come home because i've been really not okay lately and i thought maybe coming home a day early would make me feel better.

here i am, lying in bed, trying to find episodes of sex and the city online wondering why i came home early.

i feel like every time i'm at school i just want the comforts of home.

however, every time i come home i'm happy for an hour and then i'm ready to book it back to the city.

i've realized the only time i like being home is when i'm home alone.

i love being home or running errands around franklin by myself, but once my family or other people are involved i get restless and agitated. 

i really just need to find someplace that's comfortable again.

i need to find someplace that felt like 53 Adams Street used to.

i want to move away.

these days like today

i want to live in a house with a porch.

i'd like to be sitting on the steps sipping iced coffee out of a mug.

i'd like to feel like the world is alright and i'd like to feel like i'm special to someone.

and i'd like to have a dog so i wouldn't be so sad all the time.

sometimes i wonder if i just up and left if things would feel alright.

but then again, running away has never solved anything for me.

i just need the ocean.

delicious

tylenol, iron pills and vitamin C capsules for breakfast.

my body is falling apart.

i love how i need so many supplements to keep my body from failing.

ughhhh....

good days

i woke up earlier than i wanted to and go no sleep last night as per usual.

kristine and i decided to walk down by the charles and we ended up walking all the way down to the charles/mgh stop on the red line.

then we went back to massart where the family was waiting since they came up to go on a tour of the school since jason is looking into going to school here.

it's so weird that he's 17 and looking at college.

we went to eat lunch at the mission, which was actually good.

but being in there made me feel really anxious because there was a guy in there that kept staring at me and making me feel super uncomfortable.

now i have a splitting headache and awful cramps, but i feel alright cause i spent the whole day outside.

florida on thursday.

beautiful weather is on it's way

so glad i'll start to feel warm again.

it's supposed to be 80 on saturday.

i'm going to attempt to get a tan, meaning i'll probably get sunburned.

went to grasshopper with molly last night.

it's good to have that one person in your life who you can talk about anything with and they'll never pass judgement.

i like being comfortable.

this looks cute

fuck rain

i'm hollow again.

i love kristine atiyeh for buying me this

i bet you wish you were the proud owner of a triceratops plate.

love it

Lindsay Lohan's eHarmony Profile from Lindsay Lohan

sunday fun day

it's sunday

i don't have school tomorrow

i like my outfit

i'm going to get coffee with deanna

i was dancing in front of my photobooth to lily allen

i'm stoked on life right now

comforts of home

kait put up a stripper pole in the center of her room.

she never ceases to amaze me.

i hung out with her, aj and the bunny last night for a couple hours.

it was good to see them.

they make me feel comfortable.

they're moving to florida in august.

i want to go with them.

amazing

i watched this tonight.

it was amazing but it made me cry a lot.

not one-tear-running-down-my-cheek cry, full on sobbing, makeup running everywhere cry.

now i feel and look like shit, but it was really good.

dorchester days

i watched the pokemon movie last night with molly and chris.
who knew the pokemon movie was fill of so many life lessons?

it's totally all about equality.

i'm always in a good mood after hanging out in dorchester.

i want it to be summer.

this looks adorable as well

another day at the office

it's gorgeous outside and i'm stuck in the business office in front of the computer.
at least it's pay day today.

yesterday kat and i went to the wake.
both of us don't do well in funeral homes but we managed to stay for half an hour.
it was nice to hang out with kat despite the circumstances.

andrew's home.
he showed up [without calling me] at my dorm yesterday after bill left.
it was kind of weird to see him, but it was nice to see him and realize i have absolutely no feelings towards him anymore.

this still makes me laugh for some reason

my brother is a comedic genius

good day

this morning was  rough.

getting out of bed was hard due to the fact that i didn't go to bed until 4:30.

but finally i managed to drag myself out of bed.

i ended up throwing on some clothes and headphones and going on a walk which eventually led me to starbucks for a caffeine boost.

then i went to blue shirt with bill for lunch.

afterwards we ended up going to hang out with JR and the cats.

Kat came home from work and we all hung out and i made cupcakes.

hangouts there are always fun and keep me smiling.

i needed a day like today and so did bill.

it was good to see him smile.

it kills me to see you like this

i don't know if i'm doing enough.

i just want to hug you and make it all better.

but no matter how many hugs i gave you last night i couldn't fix it.

"just be there" is what everyone tells me.

i don't know if it's enough for you.

but i'll be here.

i'll stay.

today was wonderful

i had lit class this morning but zoned out during the whole thing so it went by in no time.

it was gorgeous outside so bill picked me up and we walked around in the park for an hour.

it was so nice to be able to walk around outside in the sun and not be cold.

then he dropped me off at home and i took a nap.

and then i got to spend the rest of my night in a basement with deanna and the effort boys.

it was super nice out when the show got out so i walked home and got the last pizza off the upper crust dumpster.

i'm in such a good mood.

i need more days like today.

home tomorrow.

i cannot wait for this movie to come out

all i've listened to for the past 3 days

since when do i listen to danzig?

went to the blue shirt cafe with bill this afternoon.

i had a wrap with brown rice, tofu, carrots and peanut sauce.

it was more or less amazing.

then we walked around harvard square in the rain.

now here i am in my hallway because i still don't get internet in my room.

feeling tired and empty.

what else is new.

i need more leopard print in my wardrobe

om nom nom

making peanut butter cups and chocolate strawberry cupcakes.

then getting dressed up all cute.

a 6:30 i'm off to shoot kait's art show because her photographer cancelled.

making 30 bucks.

sounds like a solid thursday.

i need to start going to bed early

when i stay up late i get in my own head, and that is never good.

i question everything and it sucks.

nothing ever feels certain anymore.

all i want

is to lose 5 pounds before my cousins wedding and to wake up to someone.

i miss seeing hip bones.

i miss having a warm body next to me.

good morning acid wash jeans

looking straight 80's this morning.

greek plays test at 11:30

new media [gag me with a rusty knife] until 4:30

clean clean clean

cuddle fest 2k9 with my bear

i'm inspired

to make some solid art work right now.

it's so weird.

this is the first time i've actually wanted to make work since last year.

crazy

love her

rain rain go away

i feel like shit today.

i've been coughing up shit and it's making it hard to breath.

and i've got a sweet headache that doesn't want to go away.

ughhhhhh

i had to get up and go to cvs this get bc and it just made me feel worse.

now i'm sitting in the fucking hallway because massart fucking sucks and the internet doesn't work, even when i plug in my ethernet cord.

although i feel like absolute shit right now, yesterday was a good day.

stayed in bed until noon.

after i finally dragged myself out of the warmth and comfort of my bed, i ran some errands and made some peanut butter cups.

then i hung out with molly, jen, mikeallen, dylan and sam in dorchester for the evening.

molly and i sang along to lots of songs from high school in the kitchen and molly got herself drunk enough to rap along some biggie.

needless to say, a lot of laughs were had.

this made me laugh

wow, nice face erica

god hates me and you

i've got cramps & the beginnings of a cold.
awesome!

hung out with deanna yesterday after class.
we got coffee and bagels at espresso royale and then went to harvard square because it was actually nice out for once.
we got some iced strawberry green tea at tealuxe, walked around stores but didn't buy anything cause we're both broke and saw JR in hootenanny.
it was nice to have a leisurely thursday afternoon with good company.


"enrique fest" in lowell tonight with bill.
should be interesting at least.

just what i needed

this week had been such a good week so far. monday night was converge and ceremony which ruled. tuesday i changed my major to art ed, withdrew from photo, went to my morning class and then skipped my afternoon class so i could get my homework done. then i ended up going to molly's and hanging out with her, mike, sam and chris. it was really fun to hang out with them, especially since mike was drunk so he was telling stories in this hilarious voice.

yesterday i didn't have school because it was registration day. i got there super early with kristine and we ended up getting all the class we wanted. then i came back to my room and made about 70something oatmeal chocolate chip cookies for no reason. last night i went to roadrage/think again at the democracy center. the place was pretty cool and it was fun to hang out with everyone. i got to see lyd for like 5 seconds which was cool cause i haven't seen her in quite some time. afterwards bill, sean and i ended up going to kat and jr's and hanging out with their three crazy cats. it was nice to hang out with different people for a change and not feel awkward like i usually do.

seeing deanna today after class.

i feel good about things lately.

everything is looking up.

good things

this is how i feel right now...aka pretty fucking awesome

here is a list of why i feel fucking awesome:

1. i went to converge/ceremony last night with molly and it was absolutely amazing and totally worth waiting out in the cold for 45 minutes.

2. i got to hang out with molly which was rad cause i haven't seen her in awhile.

3. i bought a sweet ceremony hoodie that fits me perfectly.

4. i withdrew from my shitty color photo class and changed my major to just art education this morning so i never have to see the photo department ever again.

5. tomorrow is registration day so i don't have any classes.

6. bill and i are going to see roadrage tomorrow night.

7. i haven't felt totally shitty for a whole two days.

things are looking up again.

bruises

no my knees are not dirty...those are tons of little bruises all over my legs from the show on friday.

i look like i've been abused.

i've got one of my boob too.

hahaa

failure

i'm withdrawing from my photo class.

and dropping out of photo entirely and becoming a full time art ed major.

i'm meeting with maureen on tuesday to work out my schedule for next semester.

i sat in the library and did homework for the first time in a long while today.

my mom came in tonight and took me out to eat at grasshopper and then we went grocery shopping at trader joe's so now i have food to eat.

i have so much leftover lo-mein with vegi-beef in my fridge...om nom nom.

i think i just needed her to tell me my life doesn't suck as much as i think it does sometimes.

converge/ceremony tomorrow night with molly and hopefully sam!

nightmares

i had a nightmare about spiders that woke me up at 5 this morning.

it was one of those ones that feels so incredibly real that i thought i was actually feeling the spiders crawling on my arms.

i woke up sweating, panicky and breathing really heavy.

i've been awake since 10 and haven't left my bed yet except to go to the bathroom and to get my computer off my desk.

i have no motivation to do anything except lie here and listen to american nightmare.

i called my mom to see if she and my dad want to come into the city and get dinner tonight.

she didn't pick up.

andrew called me from portland last night.

i was a jerk to him on the phone because all i wanted to do was sit in my bed and eat oatmeal and watch the holiday on tv.

he texted me a couple times last night and i just didn't answer.

everytime i talk to andrew it just makes me want to hang out with bill...which then generally puts me in a bad mood because i'm not.

i'm such a jerk to people when i'm depressed.

blaah

i slept until 11:30 today and didn't actually get up until 1.

i couldn't fall asleep last night because my stomach was killing me and i was in a really depressed mood for absolutely no reason.

finally dragged myself out of bed this afternoon only to realize how incredibly sore and covered in bruises my body is from the show last night.

i have no motivation.

despite feeling shitty all the time lately and failing photo, i had a good day yesterday.

went shopping in harvard square with kristine after work.

bought two new v-necks at american apparel.

drove up to haverhill with jordan and tony.

saw bill and a bunch of kids i haven't seen in awhile.

saw polar bear club, which was great.

have heart is always fun to see too.

then bill drove me home even though he felt sick which was sweet of him.

fuck my life

my stomach is acting up again.

it's super bloated and hurts like hell, but i feel hungry?

i'm really not happy about this.

twitter

so i finally joined the rest of the world and made a twitter.

i don't know why but kristine and i decided to set up accounts today.

follow me!

www.twitter.com/ericathemighty

sleepy

went to see carol this morning.

it was good and i think i'm going back in a couple weeks.

i had coffee this morning and still feel like i'm asleep.

i have the worst dark circles under my eyes and my face looks all puffy.

maybe i'll take a shower.

home sweet home

home for the night.

it was wonderful to have a solid home cooked meal.

mama bute goes nuts and makes tons of good food when i come for the night.

i also had 3 birthday cards with checks inside of them waiting for me from various relatives.

i made $250 just for turning 20.

seeing carol in the morning [at 9:15, ughhh so early]

hopefully swinging by FHS and seeing caple and law dawg.

maybe stopping by the 729 to get coffee at the village and see if the shirt i ordered from another one of our stores during winter break finally came in.

then back to boston in the afternoon.

finally seeing WATCHMEN with bill tomorrow!

on a side note, i've been listening to this band from canada lately called eating glass and they rule.

check them out.

it's starting again

i'm feeling like i used to feel again.

i feel like a zombie all the time no matter how much sleep i get or caffeine i consume.

i'm feeling useless and hopeless for no reason.

i honestly have no reason to feel this way again.

things i my life are going really well.

i think i need to start seeing carol again.

but i really don't want to need help again.

it feels so good to be back in MA

i slept like shit last night but it was wonderful to sleep in my bed.

kristine gave me my birthday gift today.

she bought me this dress and a pair of acid wash jeans.

i went to a show at the dover brickhouse tonight with bill and sean.

it felt like the longest show ever but it was nice to hang out with them.

i really missed bill while i was gone.

i don't want to go to class tomorrow...but at least i don't have school tuesday.

Saturday, March 14

I’m on JetBlue flight number 922 back to Boston now and the pilot told us a few moments ago that we should land around 9:30, which is roughly an hour ahead of schedule. Flying at night when the sky is clear is the most amazing thing. I keep staring out my window because we just keep flying over cities and towns that just look like strands of Christmas lights strewn over a black sheet. It’s really wonderful. I hope when I fly down to the FLA for my cousins wedding I’ll get to fly at night.
The girls sitting in front of me on this flight are terribly obnoxious human beings and I cannot wait to not be sitting behind them anymore. They put their seats back so I basically have no room to move and the TV in the back of the seat that I was watching John & Kate Plus 8 on is now roughly 6 inches from my face, so I am now writing this and listening to Modest Mouse because my eyes were hurting from being that close to a screen. They are both overweight and came onto the flight with bags from McDonalds, the disgusting fucks. When we boarded, one of them put her bag in the overhead compartment and her shirt came up to reveal a horrific stomach that was, and I kid you not, hairy and looked like it had razor burn. I honestly gagged and I’m pretty sure she saw because she promptly pulled her shirt back down.
I cannot wait to sleep in my own bed in my own dorm room tonight. I also cannot wait to shower because Danielle’s bathroom was so gross I felt less clean after taking a shower there, and I left my razor at school so I haven’t shaved my legs in a week. No more floors to sleep on and grimy showers in dirty apartments with drugged up girls and 33-year-old men for me! I’ll probably miss running around Chicago with Heather in a week and wish I was back there, but hopefully this trip will make Heather and I hang out more often. It’s hard going from living with someone for a year and then never seeing them because they moved into an apartment far enough away that it’s a pain to go to when it’s cold in Boston.
I’m excited for it to be tomorrow so I can wake up to my dorm room that has Internet access and my view over lower income housing. Plus I’ll get to see both Kristine and Bill. Even though I’ve only been gone for a week I missed the two of them a whole lot. Bill and I are going to a show at the Dover Brickhouse tomorrow night, which is cool because I really like that place since it has a bar I can park my butt on during bands I don’t want to be up front for. Hopefully I’ll get to see Molly this week since I haven’t seen her in like 2 weeks. She’ll be on spring break so I’m assuming we’ll find time to hang out.

Friday, March 13

New favorite thing: German chocolate cake. Holy fuck whoever thought of putting coconut, walnuts, caramel and chocolate cake together is a genius. I got a piece at Veggie Bite this evening and it basically rocked my world just as hard as the piece I got from Chicago Diner. I also got an Oreo milkshake, which I inhaled in the time it took to venture from Veggie Bite back to Danielle’s, a distance that takes roughly 3 1/2 minutes to walk. Temptations brand vegan ice cream kicks the living shit out of every other brand of soy cream that has ever been made since it actually tastes like real ice cream. I’ve decided I’m going to find a way to get Temptations ice cream delivered to me and learn how to make vegan German chocolate cake so I can be obese and happy. Today Heather and I met up with Mackie and went to the Lincoln Park zoo. It was freezing fucking cold so half the animals were MIA, but we still got to see the ones that had indoor habitats. Then we went to this place called Sultan’s Market and ate the most amazing falafel sandwich I have ever encountered. It was huge and absolutely delicious and was only $4. I really need to find a good place to get falafel in Boston because it’s one of my favorite foods and I only get to eat it when my mom decides every once in a while to take the time to make some. It was good to get to see Mackie once more before we left since I probably won’t see him until this summer where I’ll probably run into him at a show or at Andrew/Deanna’s place if we ever end up in Boston at the same time. Then Heather and I went to go see the Sears Tower, and we saw it from the outside but then found out it costs 13 fucking dollars to take a god damn elevator to the top and decided it was not worth the money. I’m leaving Chicago tomorrow and I’m totally ready to be back in Boston. This place is really awesome but it’s fucking freezing, I miss my friends and roommates and I can barely last another night at Danielle’s sitting in the awkward silence and blue light of the television they leave on but never seem to use. I really never thought I’d be so excited to go sleep in my mildly uncomfortable bed in the dorm. I talked to my mom today and she told me that my dad said sometimes JetBlue will let you hop on an earlier flight if there are open seats for free. I’m hoping we can hop an afternoon flight so maybe I can try to make it to the Roadrage/the nasty show tomorrow night.
I cannot wait to be back in my dorm and have Internet access all the time. Staying in a house for a week that doesn’t have the Internet has made me realize how much I hate life without the Internet and how sadly addicted I am to being constantly connected to information and millions of people. I love myspace and facebook and can’t live without it and am not ashamed to admit it.
Peace out Chi-Town, it’s been real.

Thursday, March 12

Being in Chicago and having down time has really made me think about a lot of random things about my life. One thing that crossed my mind when we made a quick pit stop into Jewel [Shaw’s Chicago branch is called Jewel for some reason], was why do I not like getting flowers from guys? We walked past all the pretty bouquets of flowers right near the greeting card section and it made me stop and think for a moment. Why do I genuinely dislike getting flowers from a boy? Then it hit me, I’ve never been given flowers and had them have good connotations. Only two boys, other than my good old dad and grampy, have ever given me flowers and the circumstances were never all too great. The only time my ex from high school gave me flowers was after we had gotten in a fight over the phone so he showed up at Marshall’s with a bouquet in hand to say sorry for being a dickhead. Andrew on the other hand gave me flowers on multiple occassions from no reason, however they were always dumpstered bouquets. I mean, don’t get me wrong it’s sweet to get flowers but not when you know they were plucked out of a dumpster.
Who knows, maybe one of these days I’ll get flowers and won’t give a fake smile and a thank you while I’m cringing a little bit on the inside. But as for now, getting flowers from female friends or my parents are the only times I genuinely feel appreciated when handed flowers.

Wednesday, March 11

I’ve decided I officially hate my birthday. Every year during the horribly unpredictable but generally cold month of March it comes and goes and nothing really good happens except maybe I end up with some extra cash or some good presents. The whole day everyone wants to know what you want to do and constantly feels the need to make sure all the attention is on the person whose birthday it is. I loathe being the center of attention and deciding what a group of people should do so my birthday is by no means my favorite day of the year. I enjoy celebrating other people’s birthdays a whole lot more than my own because then it gives me an excuse to put all the attention on someone other than myself.
This year my birthday started off good with a trip to the Chicago Diner with Heather and Mackie. It was really good to see Mackie and to get to see him while stuff my face with delicious vegan nomage. After that the day slowly but surely went downhill. It started raining, and anyone who knows me well can tell you, I HATE THE RAIN. I’m pretty sure I was a cat in a past life. I hate getting my hair and clothes wet more than anything in the world because I’m an extremely tactile person and the feeling of wet clothes and hair on my skin makes me super uncomfortable. Heather and I then ventured into the rain to go to the planetarium [which sucked] and the Museum of Contemporary Art [which sucked equally as much]. Then we came back to Danielle’s [which sucked] and attempted to warm up after being completely soaked by some really cold rain. The only other good part of the day, other than getting to spend it with Heather of course, was getting to eat vegan German chocolate cake from the Chicago Diner while talking to my mom, dad, grandparents and Bill on the phone and avoid the intense awkwardness of hanging out with Danielle and her 33-year-old roommate Wes. Today was slightly better, but not particularly due to the fact that it was 20 degrees and super windy [go figure] the entire day. Heather and I went to the bank with Danielle and then parted ways and sat in a café that had wi-fi for an hour so we could spend time on the precious Internet. We mapped out our plans for the next few days and attempted to find places that sell temptations vegan ice cream because it is the most wonderful substance known to the dairy free part of the human race. On our way back to Danielle’s we decided to stop in at Veggie Bite for some cheese fries and milkshakes because that seemed like a pretty solid lunch choice, and let me tell you, it sure as hell was. Holy delicious! I pretty much died and went to heaven, not only because I was eating fries with fake cheese on them, but because they were some of the best french fries I have ever tasted. If you’re ever in Chicago, head over to a Veggie Bite and get an order of cheese fries and an Oreo milkshake. I swear you will not be disappointed.
Despite all the delicious vegan food I’m tasting and new things I’m seeing, I’m pretty ready to be back home. Don’t get me wrong, Chicago is absolutely amazing and I know I will definitely come back here sometime in the future, just not to this place that I’m currently staying at. Sleeping on the floor of a grimy apartment with a drugged up girl and 33-year-old dude is not my thing. I’m ready to be back in my own bed.

Monday, March 9

Well it’s officially my birthday back in Massachusetts, but we’re I am I’ve still got 48 more minutes as a teenager. I’m spending them in Danielle’s living room reading veg news while Heather is embroidering and Danielle makes lentil soup. Tomorrow Heather and I are getting up earlier than we have been and going to meet Mackie at the Chicago Diner at noon for some birthday lunch. Then we’re heading to the Museum of Contemporary Art and the Planetarium because both are free tomorrow.
I actually don’t feel as shitty about turning 20 as I did earlier today and this week. I guess it’s time to be considered a real adult and not a teenager anymore, but of course never really act like a grown up. Becoming more mature and responsible is a good thing, but losing a sense of fun in an attempt to grow up is not.
Today Heather and I started our day with a little bit of shopping, route planning and coffee drinking and then went to the Field Museum, which is the natural history museum. It was a lot of fun and we took tons of pictures of dinosaur skeletons and stuffed animals. After we had our fill we walked by the water and went to Millennium Park and took tons of pictures in front of The Bean. We figured it was the correct thing to do since we were being touristy today. Then we somehow managed to find our way to a Trader Joe’s to pick up groceries for the week, went to the wrong way on the train home so it took us an hour and a half to get back to Danielle’s and had surprisingly good frozen burritos for dinner.
Now it’s time to watch spirited away, eat lentil soup and slowly get more sleepy and pass the fuck out.

Sunday 3-8

It’s 1:58pm here in Chicago and I woke up roughly an hour ago. I’ve slept so much since I’ve been here. I took a 4-hour nap yesterday afternoon and then slept for a solid 10 hours last night, but somehow I still feel and look super tired. Right now I’m sitting in Danielle’s living room waiting for the rain to stop so Heather and I can go out. We’re planning on being girly and going shopping today if the thunder and rain will let up. Tonight we’re going to this art show that Danielle and some of her friends have pieces in, hopefully it’ll be cool.
Danielle’s really nice, but she reminds me too much of Lindsay Leblanc and it really weirds me out. The house we’re staying at is cute, but not super clean and the roof leaks when it rains. But I guess I shouldn’t complain since she is letting us crash here for a whole week, which is super nice of her. One of her roommates has a cat that looks exactly like Garfield…it’s HUGE and orange. I got to talk to Bill when I rolled out of bed this afternoon. I feel like it’s mildly retarded that I miss him even though I got to see him on Thursday night.
Since I’ve been here I’ve been thinking a lot about my new concentration for Portfolio, which is “What is home? Will any place ever really feel like home?”. I guess being in a new place is helping me think about where my home really is since I’ve completely lost a sense of where I belong. I used to feel totally at home when I basically lived in Byfield/Newburyport this summer since I spent more time there than I did in Franklin. But now that things are different I guess I’ve been coming to find out that for me home is not necessarily a place, it’s more the people that I feel the most comfortable with. My family, Molly, Tricia and Kristine are home for me. When I’m with them I’m at my most comfortable and can totally be who I am and do whatever I want. I just hope one day I can find a place where I feel just as comfortable.

Heather and I being sad that we were stuck in an airport and only slept for 3 hours the night before.

Flight to Chi-town, 3-7

I’ve been flying for roughly 17 minutes and I’m already mildly bored. I figured I might as well write some long and potentially [but probably not] well thought out entry in Word to post on this blog whenever I find internet access. I guess Danielle [the girl we’re staying with] has work until 5 tonight so we’ll be stuck in the airport or wandering around an unfamiliar city for roughly 8 hours. I’ll probably end up calling Mackie to see if he wants to come hang out with us/show us around. Maybe we’ll buy a map of the city and try to figure out were there’s something fun to do. I guess Danielle lives down the street from this restaurant called VeggieBite, which is a vegan FAST FOOD RESTAURANT. I looked at their menu and they have cheese fries…I think I may be in love already.
So here I am at 7:47am in row 9A, seated behind Heather, listening to City & Colour. I got about 3 hours of sleep last night since we decided to get to the airport at 5am just in case we had issues. 3 hours of sleep is not doing me too well, I’ve got a headache and my eyes hurt. We ended up checking our bags and making it through security in about 20 minutes…so we had to wait for over an hour before we boarded. Surprisingly Heather and I didn’t fuck anything up at the airport, which is amazing seeing as neither of us have flown much at all, let alone without a parent holding our hand. The guy next to me is drinking coffee and it smells really wonderful, but I had a soy mocha at the airport and I think putting more caffeine in my body is a poor life choice. Although, I did read an article on yahoo about how caffeine can prevent you from getting skin cancer? Looks like drinking a lot of coffee will have some benefit for me in the long run.
It’s Bill’s 24th birthday today. I almost wish we had decided to fly out tomorrow so I could hang out with him, but oh well. We were supposed to hang out last night but my poor bear got really sick…which hopefully I won’t catch from him. Sharing germs is mad lame, My birthday is in 3 days…20 sounds so old, but at the same time who knows, it might be kind of fun. I’m not going to be a teenager anymore, but at least I’ll get to spend my birthday in a new city with one of my best friends. On Tuesday we’re going to go to the Chicago Diner for some delicious vegan noms and then to the planetarium because they’re having a free admission day. Apparently if you bring in your ID to the Chicago Diner on your birthday they give you a free shake…SCORE!
I really love flying, especially the take off. Speeding down a runway and then suddenly jumping into the sky, not totally sure if you’re actually going to make it or not is such an amazing feeling. I’m sure the guy next to me thinks I’m out of my mind because the whole time we were getting ready for take off and actually in the process of doing so I had the goofiest grin on my face. It just makes me so happy to run away on a plane. I’m excited that I get to fly again in May when I have to go to Florida for Elise and Alex’s wedding.
Well now I’m going to attempt to get some sleep now since I’ve barely gotten any in the past few days. Hopefully this week I’ll be able to sleep in a whole bunch. I feel like all I do nowadays is go to class, do massive amounts of C-printing and complain about how tired and shitty I feel all the time. Note to self: remember to take your iron pills.

peace out b-town

see you in a week!

please no

i woke up with a stomach ache this morning.

but i ate some oatmeal anyways thinking maybe i'm just hungry.

and now i feel even worse.

my stomach hasn't acted up in a month.

i was getting used to not being sick.

hopefully it's just stress and not anything coming back.

i don't want to be sick again.

i can't deal with that again.

pizzzzzza

i have been craving pizza for a week now.

i haven't eaten pizza since january when i went dumpstering at upper crust and ate pizza for 3 days straight.

maybe i'll get pizza after work on friday.

and then just feel really sick for the rest of the night.

or maybe i'll convince heather to go dumpster upper crust with me on friday night when i stay over her place.

chicago in 3 days.

GAH I'M SO EXCITED!!!!!!

however, not excited to have to be at the airport at 5am : (

it's days like today

where i wonder why i even got out of bed this morning.

i'm doing horrible at school right now.

i fucking hate this city more and more every day.

i look like i'm sick and feel like a zombie.

i haven't felt this bad about myself in a long time.

then i realize how lucky i am to have good friends like molly and kristine to hang out with who make me feel slightly more alive.

i watched the brave little toaster today.

that movie is so weird.

things i need in my life

1. a fisheye lens for my d80

2. a fennec fox                                                               

 

3. black jeans from delias

4. mustard yellow vans

5. zebra striped metallic booty shorts